REFLECTIONS ON THE MIRROR OF SURREALISM

"i don't know what my dreams mean...
will you come close and have a look??"

"come sir! and look at the river..see what it speaks to you
all that i can see is my reflection on its surface..
do reflections penetrate so deep......??
do the surfaces that reflect the masks i put on
enclose the lividity that reflects my true face...

yes sir!my very own face which now even i don't seem to remember??"

"answer to my questions sir! and i will charge no fare
as i would have got my answers then
so content,i would fight the waves to row you over there"

he stayed silent..... i heard not a word....
the only voices i could hear were of the squalling waves.
he simply stared at me; perhaps trying to....
conceal his contempt for my lunacy..."

i may be insane but my dreams are not.........
so i continued

"i have this nostalgia; a painful disease induced by the rivers
nostalgia not of a lived past... but of a past i never had..

i wish....hmm...no one ever had

i see myself rowing my boat, but there is no river,
no waves to fight, no tides, no shores
but all that exist are reflections.....
strange images of elements i have never known"

"are these the reflections of the evil within me??"

"they know every bit of me and so i hate them....
i don't hate the river; i can always fight it back..
neither of us having anything to lose...
it attacks me trying to prove its mighty vastness
and i fight back trying to retain my emptiness in me..."

"come sir! and look at the river..see what it speaks to you
all that i can see is my reflection on its surface..
but i can't fight them because they don't attack
they just remain there.......... staring at me
i hate them even more... despising every bit..."

"tell me sir...can one ever fight stagnance..??"

"answer to my questions sir! and i will charge no fare
as i would have got my reasons then
so content,i would fight the waves to row you over there"

he stayed silent..... but his lips curved in a smirk,
the distance between his eyebrows narrowed as in question..
questioning the sanity of my very own tale....but
again veiling his sattires of disbelief..

i may be insane but my dreams are not.........
so i continued

"i move across the room, pretending valor...
but i suddenly realise that there is no end,no boundaries
no starts, no dimensions....i know now that i am stuck in a labyrinth"

"come sir! and look at the river..see what it speaks to you...
because now i only feel frightened of the reflections..
i feel succumbed,evacuated,lost,...i break down
fall behind...lament...implore....ramble...squall...
i feel all the voices of the rivers within me"

"tears splash down on the featured miraged floors..
and even in its brevity of existence it creates a kaleidoscope of
a multiple reflections of reality and fears converging together..
my own tear; an element of the river..a part of me..betrays me..
but then....."

"i do see a silhouette arising from far;presuming it to be real
i call out for help,louder every time...choking myself through the silence
but the silence seemed so loud then....i yearned for commotion"

"what is louder than silence...?? can i ever penetrate??"

"answer to my questions sir! and i will charge no fare
as i would have got my definitions then
so content,i would fight the waves to row you over there"

he stayed silent too....huh..the idiocies of a human mind,
the strange fears and fantasies;the weirdness of human psyche...
thats what he thought of my strange tale...i could know because
not all reflections are undecipherable;and i could see his in the river.

i may be insane but my dreams are not..........
so i continued

"i shout trying to be a part of reality...
i struggle hard to separate myself from the elements
but then reflections are cast upon me too.....
how do i run away from myself?? and where to??

come sir! and look at the river..see what it speaks to you
as it speaks to me no more...perhaps it doesn't recognise me
as i had hurt myself now;trying to lose my own identity
i cry out to him because now i have nothing left in myself
but...... indifference walked past me...."

"perhaps he was no redeemer.. may be he too was a reflection;
an unseparable element of that very room.....but then if he is one
i am not to be afraid of him, because i know i can harm him...."

"no..! oh no...!"

"forgive me sir! but the waves are violent
the oars are rigid.....the wood is old and is wearing off
can't you feel the adamant waves...???
but don't worry sir,you would very soon be fine... "

"even in this situation i still wonder about my dream
trying to interpret it.................
whose reflection was it,sir? was it mine.......??"




"or was it yours...........................?"




"i have got the answers to my questions sir!
and i would now charge no fare....
for i have my interpretations now to hold;
for i have fought with the waves and rowed you over there....."

he would now remain silent,as another element in my room of reflections.
don't blame me or call me a devil! i m just a victim.
reflections; truth; clarity; reality; stagnance;
silence; indifference; i hate them all
and here they were all together...............

so you see,my lord! i never intended to end his life....it was self-defence...

i may be insane but my dreams are not........
so i continue!

"i don't know what my dreams mean...
will you come close and have a look??"

"come and look at the rivers.............................................."